another random post.....

not too much to write or say this morning.............i promise for those of you who don't want to read my heavier posts that i will be posting pics/stories of the boys soon.

a funny story is going to be at the end of this post, i promise! but for now here are my thoughts and feelings for the last week and a half. i can tell you that i'm not proud of how i've acted or responded to my boys and kris the past few weeks. i have a heavy heart and it is my goal and desire to work on my relationships with those i love the most.

**Side Note**
my parents have been on vacation for the last week and a half......Kris' mom has been tied up with Kris' grandma who is recovering from back surgery and Kris has been working long hours as usual and not getting home until after the boys are in bed or only has about a half hour to an hour before their bed time. so needless to say the past almost two weeks have been really trying for me as a mom. i have become "comfortable" with the help that i receive from my awesome support system, so after going it alone for almost two weeks i feel like i am ten steps away of my goal at becoming a better mom and a better wife.

of course it hasn't helped that i am not sleeping and that i haven't been feeling 100% despite all of the new/increased medication i have been taking. and also the fact that i have a big report due at work hasn't helped either. i feel defeated again and i hate feeling defeated. i need to stay strong for my boys and my husband. i need them to know that i am okay on the outside and can maintain my "super woman" status as my mom would say. i need them to see that i can still work, cook, clean, do laundry, take out the trash, pay the bills, etc....in other words them being able to physically see me do these things makes me feel less defeated, like everything will be okay someday in terms of my health even if it isn't now. you see i don't want Owen or Wyatt or Kris to remember this time of my life when all i did or wanted to do was complain at how bad i feel and lay in bed all day.....and i'm terrified that if i admit defeat that i will end up 20 steps back and not be able to HANDLE everything like i can now.

So my parents are HOME, yay! And I think that Kris' mom is going to be able to take the kids again one day during the week (hopefully this coming week), and Kris has his spring break in a week so he will be home for a whole week. so needless to say things are looking bright again, thank God! We are going to a water park with the boys and I am so excited for our little vacation after being so physically and emotionally drained lately!

Funny Story Alert!
After hearing about how much I was struggling with Owen and Wyatt this week my parents came and took the boys ALL day yesterday. they made me promise that i wouldn't work and that i would take a nap and have some "me time". Me time is what i did and it was AMAZING!!

I had an eye doctor appointment yesterday to make sure that the new meds I'm on are not affecting my vision so after the appointment i headed over to my parents to see how things were going.

While there Owen came into the dining room and was talking to nana and playing with some toys. He had just gotten done painting a Thomas picture on the computer and was asking my mom to please go print it off for him, to which my mom responded that it "was going to cost him" in other words she would print it off for him but he had to give her a kiss. he didn't understand what she was talking about so when she said "yes Owen I will go upstairs and print off your Thomas picture for you but first it's going to cost you." His response was "seven dollars??" with the most serious look on his face!

It was the cutest, funniest thing that I have seen in a while! Enjoy my little boys innocence! He is so stink'n cute!

Food for Thought

Well, here is my first "food for thought" post. Yahoo is set as my Internet browser, so often times before I check my email I take a glance at all of the news/updates that flash across the computer screen and try my best to stay on top of what is going on in the world.

This morning I just had to laugh about this WEB BUZZ sensation making Yahoo's top news story today.

Jennifer Lopez who is a judge on American Idol apparently broke down on last nights show and cried with America saying "I don't want to do this anymore." I don't watch the show but I'm figuring that a STAR/IDOL that she liked was being voted off and it was very hard with her to part with that fact.

So- in a third world across the country I learned last night in my Becoming a Better Samaritan class at church that approximately 25 million people are affected by the AIDS/HIV pandemic. Most are unable to either afford any treatment or live too far away from a clinic or hospital to obtain the treatment that they need. There are almost 3 million children who have AIDS/HIV and out of those children, 25,000 children die each day from the disease equivalent to 100 jet liners carrying 250 passengers each crashing onto US soil or any soil for that matter.

I'm not trying to be a downer by any means, just find it ironic that though I knew about the AIDS/HIV pandemic, I never was exposed to the numbers of children and people it affected. And here in America, we are caught up in our own IDOLS per say, American Idols, who make Yahoo and top website news stories on a daily basis.

I struggled with the idea of the pandemic last night, I don't really know what I personally can do about it but the bottom line/lesson learned in our class is that everyone needs to be loved and touched in a way that they know that God is good and that there is a far better alternative life for them in eternity.

Take it for what it's worth, again I'm not saying that I instantly became an advocate for AIDS awareness by any means...and I most certainly am not going to jump on the next plane to Africa to witness to any people affected by this pandemic. I simply am going to try to do what I can in my community, in my neighborhood, helping those who are in need of touch. We are to act everyday as Jesus himself. Christ has no visibility on earth but through my hands, feet, arms, legs, face, we make him visible and in turn can touch those in need. We need to touch the greatest gifts that God made, human beings.

I guess my point is that if everyone who watched American Idol or other reality TV shows and shed tears over "so and so got voted off" for whatever reason......don't you think our world would be a better place to live if people actually shed tears over what REALLY matters in life? I do......

Awake

Well as usual I can't seem to sleep. I've been taking my last (the lowest amount of steroids for the day) right before bed combined with my pain pills. Without fail I fall asleep like a baby and am up exactly 2 hours later almost on the nose! When I wake up I can't fall back to sleep for the life of me. The last three nights I have been waking up with my knees just throbbing, a dull annoying constant throb. My ankle bones on both feet have also been super sore to walk on in the middle of the night (noticed during potty trips). It is weird to say the least! When I was in the hospital I was given steroid injections in both knees and didn't expect to have any issues with either of them for at least three months. But it seems we are back to my body not really knowing what to do and fighting against itself. I will probably put a message into my doctor this morning if I'm not feeling better in a few hours. (Side Note- I am thankful that I can use my hands and arms this go around, that proves to be most difficult for me when they are inflamed. But then again when my legs (knees and ankles) are sore it proves challenging to bend down to do things with Wyatt (change diapers, pick up toys, etc) So I guess all in all it is still annoying!)

One thing that concerns me is that the steroids overtime can cause osteoporosis and fractures become quite common. I have been on steroids now for almost 8 months, increasing and decreasing strengths as necessary and I'm a little fearful that the steroids are doing more damage to my body/bones, though they are helping me to manage my symptoms and discomfort due to inflammation. I guess as always it is a win and lose situation.

On Sunday my boss offered me more hours....still all from home. I told her that I would try the new part of the job that she asked me to do all of this week and then I would let her know. Since I don't sleep I have been working in the middle of the night. The last two mornings it has been around 4am and this morning about 130am.

Surprisingly enough I don't mind it....is is the ONLY time all day that I am all by myself and the house is dark and quiet. I can get my work done without background noise and without Wyatt crawling up on me and trying to eat my pens and notepads.....and Owen running over to me (usually when I am trying to make a work call) telling me that he has to poop, loud enough for the neighborhood to hear!

Wyatt has been getting up about once in the middle of the night and I feed him and change his diaper and then he goes back to sleep for me....he is such a good boy!

The only downfall to my not being able to sleep is that I am 100% exhausted during the day...It is actually quite weird that I just realized that my sleeping patterns are that of an infant right now. I am completely wired right now, but just want to sleep all day long. Hmmmm....maybe I should address this with my doctor......

I started my methotrexate last week Thursday and haven't really noticed anything, especially since I have been waking up with radiating pain and sore ankles the last few days. I have to do another injection tomorrow night....or rather Kris will inject me. I probably could do it if need be, but whenever I am at the lab I never look at the needle so it is just easier for him to do it and he doesn't mind! After all I probably deserve a little pain from him every once in a while for all he puts up with from me!

So- this is just a completely random post of my thoughts and feelings this morning. I have been good at reading my Bible and my mother in law came up with a nice routine for me to follow. I am hoping to start a class at our church when I take Owen to his class during the week. It is called "becoming a good Samaritan." I am really interested in it. Don't get me wrong I think that I am a good person and a good Samaritan already, however am eager to learn about God's word and be able to use it to better influence myself to become a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.....all of the things I am finding so important now in my life! It's like a light went on and I knew that I needed a change. Maybe not a light but a beacon of hope, a gift from God...an answer to prayer!

My new car

Let me start by saying that my blog is never intended as a brag session, however I would like to eventually use my blog to look back and remember all of the things that happened over the months and years and eventually print and bind a book together for the boys! So with that being said this is my new car.

Almost a year ago we weren't sure what my work situation would be since I was pregnant with Wyatt and I again knew that I wanted to stay home with him....I suppose WANT isn't a good word to use....it was a necessity. There would be no other way about it! So after leasing a nice Lincoln since Owen was a baby, and spending WAY too much money on a car payment.....we decided the best option for our family would be to buy something we could pay cash for and put some money into. We found a 2003 Explorer XLT that was a stolen recovery vehicle. This car had many issues including some minor body damage and had basically been stripped, however for $1,500 it was right up our alley and Kris was up for the challenge.

Fast forward almost 6 months...it turns out that our debt free car was not so debt free as it seemed. There was always a little money here and a little money there being put back into it. We got to the point this week where we decided we could continue putting money into it and still not have any guarantee of how long it would last...OR we could try to find a nice family car for myself to drive with the boys that would be a reliable alternative. I'm happy to say that we found a great deal on this Mazda 6. IT doesn't have all of the frills and thrills of vehicles I have driven in the past, however it is a really sharp car for the price.

So needless to say as we were about to pull out of the dealership Kris snapped this picture of me in my new ride! We are hoping and praying for a nice reliable car from this point forward. It is a lease so if we don't like it, we aren't committed to it for more then 3 years!

Owen, oh Owen!

We have been having some issues with getting Owen to go to bed at "bed time" recently. He seems to want to stay awake all night and after we go through his bed time routine every night, usually without fail he is wandering downstairs several times saying that he is hungry or thirsty or hot or cold or can't sleep, and the list goes on and on and on!!! We usually end up getting frustrated with him and "threaten" time-outs, etc if he comes downstairs again. So usually when Kris and I head up for the night this is how we find him. He continues to be our sassy little stinker! However I do have to admit that he did look extremely comfortable! Kudos to him for his creativity!

Good Times!

The most recent picture of Kris with the boys! Wyatt is getting SO big and in fact he even took 3-4 steps all by himself over the weekend. We are excited for this new phase of Wyatt's life, even though we realize we will be busy chasing him around. Owen continues to amaze us with his love for his brother! Kris and I are so proud and in love with both of our boys! Here is an oldie but goodie picture I found while going through my camera! I love this picture of Kris and myself!

Thank You!

Thank you to all of you who voted for the picture I submitted to the blog contest for the Christmas Outtake contest. After a stressful 5 days of checking the blog like a crazy woman, I am happy to say that WE WON!!

I honestly couldn't have done it without your help! And I think only two of you voted because you saw my blog, so thanks so much!!!

Check back soon for the photo session pics...hopefully I will be able to get a sneak peak on here if possible.

Now gotta start shopping for some trendy outfits for the boys and a swanky outfit for me for our photo shoot!

Thanks again! Love to All!