Awake

Well as usual I can't seem to sleep. I've been taking my last (the lowest amount of steroids for the day) right before bed combined with my pain pills. Without fail I fall asleep like a baby and am up exactly 2 hours later almost on the nose! When I wake up I can't fall back to sleep for the life of me. The last three nights I have been waking up with my knees just throbbing, a dull annoying constant throb. My ankle bones on both feet have also been super sore to walk on in the middle of the night (noticed during potty trips). It is weird to say the least! When I was in the hospital I was given steroid injections in both knees and didn't expect to have any issues with either of them for at least three months. But it seems we are back to my body not really knowing what to do and fighting against itself. I will probably put a message into my doctor this morning if I'm not feeling better in a few hours. (Side Note- I am thankful that I can use my hands and arms this go around, that proves to be most difficult for me when they are inflamed. But then again when my legs (knees and ankles) are sore it proves challenging to bend down to do things with Wyatt (change diapers, pick up toys, etc) So I guess all in all it is still annoying!)

One thing that concerns me is that the steroids overtime can cause osteoporosis and fractures become quite common. I have been on steroids now for almost 8 months, increasing and decreasing strengths as necessary and I'm a little fearful that the steroids are doing more damage to my body/bones, though they are helping me to manage my symptoms and discomfort due to inflammation. I guess as always it is a win and lose situation.

On Sunday my boss offered me more hours....still all from home. I told her that I would try the new part of the job that she asked me to do all of this week and then I would let her know. Since I don't sleep I have been working in the middle of the night. The last two mornings it has been around 4am and this morning about 130am.

Surprisingly enough I don't mind it....is is the ONLY time all day that I am all by myself and the house is dark and quiet. I can get my work done without background noise and without Wyatt crawling up on me and trying to eat my pens and notepads.....and Owen running over to me (usually when I am trying to make a work call) telling me that he has to poop, loud enough for the neighborhood to hear!

Wyatt has been getting up about once in the middle of the night and I feed him and change his diaper and then he goes back to sleep for me....he is such a good boy!

The only downfall to my not being able to sleep is that I am 100% exhausted during the day...It is actually quite weird that I just realized that my sleeping patterns are that of an infant right now. I am completely wired right now, but just want to sleep all day long. Hmmmm....maybe I should address this with my doctor......

I started my methotrexate last week Thursday and haven't really noticed anything, especially since I have been waking up with radiating pain and sore ankles the last few days. I have to do another injection tomorrow night....or rather Kris will inject me. I probably could do it if need be, but whenever I am at the lab I never look at the needle so it is just easier for him to do it and he doesn't mind! After all I probably deserve a little pain from him every once in a while for all he puts up with from me!

So- this is just a completely random post of my thoughts and feelings this morning. I have been good at reading my Bible and my mother in law came up with a nice routine for me to follow. I am hoping to start a class at our church when I take Owen to his class during the week. It is called "becoming a good Samaritan." I am really interested in it. Don't get me wrong I think that I am a good person and a good Samaritan already, however am eager to learn about God's word and be able to use it to better influence myself to become a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.....all of the things I am finding so important now in my life! It's like a light went on and I knew that I needed a change. Maybe not a light but a beacon of hope, a gift from God...an answer to prayer!